Itty Bitty Rants

Infrequent posts about stuff.

L-Space Login Quotes

The following is the contents of the login quote file from L-Space:


this is a test!


Oh dear..It’s the brain again. Will someone kindly beat me senseless?


And then there was, well, something resembling a great big mess.


BBC Reporter talking about the Middle East conflict: “The Lesban…Libbanese…Lesbian Millitant…Oh damn…Lebanese Millitant Group… "

Laughing Buddha:

I don’t care if it’s free, I want a letter of apology written in blood!


If I have to read the word “embodiment” one more time I’m going to have to kill someone.


climb troll. er, wait. wrong universe.


If I could drag myself away from the computer, I’d wonder how wide mine is:


I have powedered history all across the front of my pink shirt.


This would work alot better if I would stop running into walls.


Do you really want a Troll doing a body-cavity search? Think about that.


You think they’re not going to recognize us when we’re moisturized?

Wil Wheaton:

It sure was strange to see something on Usenet about me that didn’t involve Klingon gang rape.


You can’t eat a solitaire game. Trust me, I’ve tried.


I can also do many things with my feet that I can do with with my hands.

1880’s Tobogganing Etiquette Printed in a St Paul paper for the Winter Carnival:

6. When steering it is unadvisable to seek to get extra purchase by planting your unemployed foot in the small of the back of the lady in front of you.


There’s nothing like a nice cup of hot, strong tea, with just a dab of cream and a lump or two of sugar:especially when it gets dumped into your lap.

MPR disc jockey John Zech:

For more on passive-agressive monarchs, and their enabling composers:

I beat the internet. The end guy was hard.


I have your laptop and a full bladder:


I ran out of gluons and fell apart


well, you start out reading those innocent little piers anthony books. then before you know it you have a collection of water-proof erotica.


Also, some words of advice: never put words into Google you aren’t prepared to see results for.


i need either a vacation or a chainsaw. oh, decisions decisions:


It’s time for the adventures of Lars Mitsuison; North Woods Ninja: Off of 35W North, outside of Brainerd, lies the mysterious Falling Lotus Petal Temple and Coffee Shop, secret home of the Moose Clan: a sect of Ninja dedicated to the principals of Honor, Justice, and Ice Fishing. The temple founded by Tokuzo Minowara-san, who meditated long and attained enlightenment on the Eternal Question: ‘Cold enough for you?’ Tokuzo had trained in the ancient art of the Ninja, but got a job as a fry-chef in a diner in Minnesota We join Lars, a young acolyte of the temple, who sits in meditation after the lunch-rush

Dara Moskowitz (, Dish article from 3/12/2003):

Failed! The way an entire year’s worth of Harvey Wallbangers have failed to erase the memory of that unfortunate incident in Karachi with the fan dancer and the locomotive. Failed!


Immortality doesn’t disturb me any more than flying pink unicorns with pez dispensers for horns do.

from System Performance Tuning, by O’Reilly:

If a process tries to write to a shared page, it incurs a copy-on-write fault.(5)

5. Often called a COW fault; not to be confused with a ruminant falling into a chasm.

mainsail and jenx:

‘Um, but what if I’m a helicopter? Or a tea pot?’ ‘It means you’re short and stout, here is your handle, here is your spout. It also means that you’ll be experiencing continuous light to moderate chop from FL280 to FL410 for the next 300 miles.’

kallisti, watching yet another depressurization scene in Total Recall:

What, is the dome made out the of saran wrap?


People are not good food. People are not good food. Eating smokers is bad for you. People are not good food. People are not good food. Eating smokers is bad for you. People are not good food. People are not good food. Eating smokers is bad for you.

Dara Moskiwitz, referring to the Minneapolis neighborhood:

If Seward had the nation’s largest per-capita consumption of hemp soap, no one would be at all surprised.


Such a beautiful day:not a cloud in the sky, the sun is shining:the frozen thump of the birds falling out of the trees and shattering on the sidewalk:


This is where cultivating a sharp elbow and an unerring sense of rib comes in handy.


I’m not sure if that was a meeting or an experience of listening to someone recite the results of MadLibs using only technical terms.

Broog, Alien Film critic:

The mighty cinematic edifice which is the human Jackson’s rendering of Tolkien’s classic novel grinds to its imperial conclusion in the third film, “Lord of the Rings: The Fat Jolly Hobbit Saves Middle Earth And Everyone Is Nice To His Whiny Friend”.

Laughing Buddha:

no more perogis before bed.


We’ve always had this skill back into the mists of time in my family. It can be a burden sometimes. Like when I dreamt that I was stranded on a tropical island with the Olympic Naughty Pleasuring Team, and sure enough, the very next day I found an unopened jar of guava jelly in the fridge.

One Windswept Rose:

Pretend, for a moment, that the database and server resources you should be using is the I94 bridge over the Mississippi - many lanes, fast speed limit, well monitored and patrolled. A truckload of widgets goes across easily and smoothly, usually.

Now, take away the truck & the bridge, but they still want to move the widgets. They’ll take what they can find “Oh, hey, there’s this cable across the river in front of the dam no one is using - if we train a hundred monkey’s to carry a widget each and put them in relays running up and down the river bank carrying widgets across for us, we can do the whole project w/o needing any IS funding. Cool!”

The problems now are:

  1. Dead monkeys and widgets blocking the hydroelectric intake.
  2. Barge captains running into the lock doors because they got distracted by BoBo.
  3. Riverbank erosion and plant damage from widget laden monkeys
  4. Large monkey breeding farms smell bad
  5. We’ve already upgraded from small monkeys to large (Gorilla), monkeys are still not as good as trucks for carrying widgets


What ensued was probably the kitty version of the 4th ring to Hell (the 7th being an underwater dog park):


If I call in air support, and they send me penguins, and those penguins hit what I really need them to, I will buy those penguins a drink. I will not quibble.


Bush takes XTC, goes to raveNew York Times - 12 hours ago“He was jumping around, blowing a whistle, and kept asking me if I had any chewy,” says Alison, 19, who danced with the President and his team of advisors at an unnamed club until 4am. “Rumsfeld gave me a kick-ass back rub.”

Sedna Information Page:

We use a 172 Megapixel camera mounted on a robotic telescope to find these things.

One Windswept Rose:

Well, actually, it’s a work-safe splash-screen right now, you need to click through to get to anything Janet Jacksonesque.


I have a soft spot for Land Yachts. I used to drive my mom’s 1970 Chrystler New Yorker (affectionately named “Tank”):it could easily fit at least 6, plus trunk space sufficient to garage a small car. Definitely a rolling livingroom. And fun to drive. In an Abrams sort of way.


There are only so many directions I wanna see my naked white ass from.


feet are like cleavage, only: er, wait, no. they’re not.

Bacon is a vegetable.


I have a trebuchet budget?!?! What great news!

Weird Al Yankovic, “Nature Trail To Hell” from the album “In 3-D”:

If you love the 6 o’clock newsthen you’ll loveNature Trail To Hell!Nature Trail To Hell!Nature Trail To Hell!In 3-D!


You programmer. Me writer.

Two Lumps as posted by Asher:



I vote we go lick their babies.


It wouldn’t be so boring if you took my advice and lowered it, threw some fatties on it, dual dump pipes, neons, fake blower and brake scoops, and a honkin bigass spoiler. And did an 80% tint on the windshield, and added a megabass sound system. Sure, it would handle like a pregnant water buffalo on a lowered skateboard with fatties, but hey, it wouldn’t be so boring.


No, ‘The Madness of King George III’ is not a sequal.

Pied Piper:


Nothing says teh sexay like being covered in jet black velvet… oh, and lots of multi-hued cat fur.


taking personal responsibility for my orgasms so often leads to being pursued through the jungle by a t-rex. sigh ah the perils of modern life.


That’s the thing that gets me. Saying that dinosaurs walked the earth 6,000 years ago is such an eyeblink in the REAL LIVE ACTUAL timeframe of evolution that it is the same as saying, look out, over there, it’s a velocoraptor crossing Rockefeller Plaza. Oops. There goes Katie Couric. Pity.


beaners might be in love, but chelsea might be in the kind of love that a person has for their dinner.


While I was growing up, Velveeta was the unapproachable father figure - elusive, and absent. Softer than it looked, it definitely had it’s “yin” side. But it was never to be found. So I grew up without proper guidance, and got into a lot of troubles with a bunch of Kraft American Singles.

Okay, this is the last time I take a daily poll at quarter to three in the morning.


Great Moments from The Evolution of the Orgasm #327: ‘Thag go all funny there for moment.’

Theoretically how much porn could you store on a fish?


had i known, i could have given crap by proxy!


cause nothing says christmas like shaving a dwarf.


what, all that work and jesus gets to be a bellhop?

from RFC4041: Requirements for Morality Sections in Routing Area Drafts:

The key words “SHALT”, “SHALT NOT”, “SMITE”, and “PILLAR OF SALT” in this document are to be interpreted as expected.

Car Talk Listener:

Driving a Mustang ranks right up there with sleeping in a double bed.


That’s like saying you didn’t invent the plague, you just spread it.

Chilly Willy:

Wait until you see the telescoping crucifix with blinking colored lights: you’ll be hooked!


Oh dear God, they’ve discovered random punctuation to go with random lettering. Any minute now, they’re going to bust out the umlauts and I’ve going to go into hiding.


Vanna White is getting her star on the Walk of Fame next week. What I wanna know is, will it light up when people touch it?